Calling on the Telephone

tado

2010-01-20T16:23:00.000-08:00

tadotadotadotadotado

2009-07-15T06:26:00.001-07:00

"Friday comes once a week! I like Fridays. I like the fact that new movies open today. They're a gift, to start the weekend off. Movie opening night is like Christmas Eve, with its early gift because you're too excited to wait. And Friday night is the night before Halloween, too. Devil's Night. Friday Night is for burning things. For throwing yourself full-on into a mailbox, so that it falls over, with you on top of it. That's a crime, but it's a crime to have never tried it, either. Also, Friday night is the best night to read comic books. Other people are out burning the city down and vandalizing federal property, and you are just snuggled right inside with just about the silliest comic book ever. Actually every day is like Friday, I guess! I just like being alive."
-Joey Comeau

(You should read Mr. Comeau's journal when you feel out of it, it'll bring you back to the strangest and fuzziest reality ever.. which is what we should all be shooting for)

Long Conversations

2009-07-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm talking to people I get overly distracted by what kind of short story I would write for them if I were a ghost writer and they were an overpaid celebrity.

New Songs

2009-07-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

That's What She Said
- Recorded tonight - Ranita on guitar - Meeka on vocals - Ranita doing backup

Raised Child
Terry guitar - Meeka vocals - Keith back up vocals/bass - Sarah bass - Dan drums

Cabin Song
Ranita on guitar - Meeka/Ranita vocals

2009-07-12T00:44:00.001-07:00

It doesn't matter how many analogies we use
we'll never be on the same page

2009-07-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

Waking to these sounds again
I wonder how I'll sleep
Passing out is taking off into the stubborn deep
I'd like to meet a human who makes it all seem clear
To work out all these cycles and why I'm standing here
I'm falling
Over and over and over and over again now
Calling and over and over and over and over again now
Running through my life right now
I don't regret a thing
The things I do just make me laugh and make me wanna drink
I'd like to meet a mad man who makes it all seem sane
To work out all these troubles and what there is to gain
-Morcheeba

2009-07-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

Man...

It's kind of crazy how much tonight is going to mean.

Ramblings

2009-06-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

I officially declare this week: HILLBILLY WEEK

I am startled and delighted by the course that it has taken.

I'll be up late tonight: packing, laundrying, catchin up on some internet chores (hasslings for pictures and mixed down songs has hit an all time high lately), car cleaning, and CD makin for this mighty trip that's approaching tomorrow.

I am beyond excited to see the southerners. Beyond it. I'm the land of rainbow and unicorn emotions. Unicorns on cocaine. I'm that just that jazzed.

The negatives: Praying that Old Blue will make the journey. She's been abnormally noisey as of late. So far, the only real ability that I have to fix her is 'add more oil'... I hope that'll be enough.

The plan is this: Leave work early tomorrow, drive to DC, kidnap Will and eat dinner, drive to an mysterious cabin in VA and try not to get chased by hillbilly types (that's what Will's for, hillbilly sheildings), experience the burst of light and emotion that comes from seeing the best people in Virginia and South Carolina, revelry, revelry, revelry, sleep off the revelry, leave Sunday night, steal a bed in DC, drive to work Monday morn, shake with Joy.

Sound good?

I thought so too.

There's a New Kind of Sheriff in HugeDorkTown

2009-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Fact: When girls get together, we don't play with pillow fights and makeup. Apparently, we play with guns and photoshop.

Because My Posts Have Been Way Too Positive Recently...

2009-06-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

This is what it's like.

It's like shopping at Kmart.

You walk in the door, and right away you know that most of the items in the store will break within two months of taking them home.

You walk almost directly into the shelves of multiple toothpastes, and cartons of soap. This is the stuff that come in bulk because it gets used so often. There's no real flair or risk in buying like that, but if you're that kind of person you know what you like already you can just grab it and camel-up for the next few months.

Then you get to the sale items. You know those items. The bins full of toys that have already been damaged. A mountain of ripped open packaging, half used testers, and foodstuffs long past their expiration dates. It's tempting, because the price is reduced and you can afford a better looking product... but something's wrong somewhere and even if it isn't obvious, you'll figure it out soon enough.

The whole time you're shopping, you can't help but notice the huge advertisements. Above your heads, everyone is beautiful and smiling, happy to have found their purchasable items... meanwhile down below it looks like the cast of Island of the Damned was locked in a room with nothing but hamburgers and sweatpants and somehow escaped long enough to buy Craft Macaroni and Cheese. You peek into everyone else's shopping carts and it's hard not to stop them and say "you'd look better if you didn't buy Suave brand!" or "a diet of donettes will kill your soul!"... hard not to knock the copy of Wickerman (with Nic Cage) out of their hands: "It's for your own good, mam, you'll never get those hours of your life back!"

Finally you get the the isles, and they're organized in such a way that if you could decide what you wanted, you might be able to find the isle it was randomly collected at. Still, you can't help but wonder... "Could I get a better deal at Walmart?" or "This looks so cheap and flimsy, there's no way it's as good as the one I saw at the mall..."

You wonder why you came to Kmart? There are so many better stores! But you were in a rush, and you figured you couldn't do any better anywhere else...

You kick yourself for considering making such a rash decision to buy... but who has the time to look your item up on the Internet, weigh the pros and cons, read the Consumer's Digest?

You want it now.

You buy it.

You comfort yourself with the Returns Policy... but really, who ever returns anything? Sure, if it's clearly broken you might take it back... but what if it's just a bad fit for you? Can you face taking it back to the counter and having the 16 year old girl, chew through her gum "so what's wrong with it, why isn't it good enough for you?!"

It stays with you for years. Some of your friends tell you to buy a better one, some of them tell you not to waste the money and time.. this one works just fine.

Someday it just snaps in two... or you do, and it ends up in the yard sale.

It's like shopping at Kmart. It's exciting the first few years, when you're fresh, on your own, and in charge.... and then it becomes a chore. Something that just has to be done.

2009-06-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

"I wished I were a holy man then with an angel to protect me so I could jump inside the fire and see my sins burned away. I go to confession but there's no fervour there. Do it from the heart or not at all.

We're a lukewarm people for all our feast days and hard work. Not much touches us, but we long to be touched. We lie awake at night willing the darkness to part and show us a vision. Our children frighten us in their intimacy, but we make sure they grow up like us. Lukewarm like us. On a night like this, hands and faces hot, we can believe that tomorrow will show us angels in jars and that the well-known woods will suddenly reveal another path."
-Winterson

Lord, I was not born a rambling man.

2009-06-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

All good things must come to an end... and some shitty things too, while we're at it.

-------------

Ever since I was all young and impressionable, I've taken it for granted that I'd prefer to be a stone that gathers no moss.

I can tell you how this startd started: I was born. Six months later we moved somewhere else.

I didn't move homes as much as some army kids I know, but I did get a lot of practice. I know well what a stereo sounds like in barren, furniture free room. I associate all things new and exciting with the smell of fresh paint and Windex.

I've got massive photo albums. My resume reads like a trashy novel. My address books are filled.

The other night, in the pouring rain and candle light, my friend Rick admitted that he's a homebody. Admittedly, Rick is older than me and, more importantly, his home has a pool. Under the circumstances, I said, who wouldn't body around a home with a pool? I also said; Wow, you and I are total opposites!

Aren't these two sentiments in conflict? I think so more and more the more I think about it.

Because you know what makes me the happiest?

Some of the main things are: Making a meal with herbs that come from the garden (I've had to be more creative with cooking, since for some reason I always kill Basil and Cilantro... did you even know Thyme was an herb? I didn't.). Being surrounded by a family of friends (not all of them at once though). That point of a trip where you sit down somewhere and do absolutely nothing at all because you are somewhere so interesting that you don't have to lift a finger to be surrounded by wonder or hilarity.

yeah, and building stuff

Even if it seems like something little, like building my mental map of all the trees in the park that I can hook my hammock to.

And that kind of stuff doesn't come quick and easy. That kind of stuff takes a while to grow and settle. I can stumble into it, but life too short not to hunt it down.

So no,

I'm not a rolling stone, a rambler, a desperado... or any other romantic terms for someone who is better off meandering around like a high speed, aimless turtle. I'm not in love with being on the move.

I'm just not in love. (yet).

But I will fall in love with some place somewhere. A place where I can be still, and it's still more interesting than all of this moving. And all those things that make me happy will be there, that's probably how I'll know that I'm home. When I do fall in love with a place, man, I'm going to Martha Stewart the crap out of it. I'll become one of the lamest people you know.

I'm a secret nest-er... Disguised by all of this searching...

Stuff da Bus

2009-06-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I don't like to write about my job too often on the internet because a: I'd like to keep it separate and b: I'd like to keep it...

... but I'm making an exception today because today is an awesome day.

Today... I get to make a BOX FORT IN MY OFFICE

And all those boxes? I get to invite friends to my office to wrap them. We're going to wrap. It's a wrapping party.

and then?

I GET TO COLOR WITH KIDS!

GODILOVEMYJOB

2009-06-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm doing my "great weekend" dance....

ba ba ba ba...

juuuuuuust dancing in my office chair...

spinning around...

and looking super uncool...

yeah, "great weekend dance"

sha na na na na

(pictures to come)

What I Like About Coffee...

2009-06-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

...

In my head, I have coffee, wine, long bike rides and whiskey all lumped into one category.

I access the category, in my brain, with a series of feelings so it's hard to put the name into words... but if I tried I would say they fall under "things that take me higher."

There's a difference, of course, between this category and that which is "things that make everything more intense" or even"things make me less intense"... Those categories include reading, drinking beer, driving fast, taking risks, hot sauce, assorted drugs... etc.

Some of the things in the intensity categories are enjoyable and I do them a lot, some of them are not so good and I do them as little as possible or simply not at all.

But if I can explain the "things that take me higher" category, the best way would probably be with coffee.

First of all, the smell. There's a difference between waking up and waking up with coffee smell. The smell says that there will be a moment of silence before the revelry. And as for the revelry, well I can probably safely say that I've never accomplished anything remarkable that wasn't thought up about five minutes after I set my coffee cup down.

Now I realize that coffee is a drug, and I realize that too much of coffee (or whiskey, or wine, or even bike riding) will leave you in a state of a sorry mess... But every time I taste coffee, it's not just the drug that takes me somewhere else... it's the years and years of moments that come before and after a coffee that pile on top of themselves like two mirrors reflecting one another and coast into and through my head the moment I taste coffee.

At the risk of being over sentimental, it's camping, waking up in love, finishing a huge term paper, frantically meeting a newspaper deadline, and staying up till 5 am at a diner all rolled into one dark brown sludge.

I am not just myself then. I am every thing I have been at the greatest moments of my potential, and I can clearly see the path ahead.

And I am not alone, because when I drink coffee, whiskey, wine or go for a ride... there are the memories, which are always somehow fond, of everyone I have ever shared these things with.

I can understand anyone who says coffee tastes like mud. Maybe it does. I have no idea. To me, it tastes like everything I'm living for.

After Work Revelry

2009-06-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Got mah PJs on, the rice and shrimps are cooking and I'm ready to watch something with Seth Rogan in it.

2009-06-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

To summarize the last 24 hours:

Wine at the mansion, and whiskey at the bar, coffee in the morning.

2009-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sarah asked me: "So what do you want to change about yourself?"

"I'd like to have more guts and more heart... Learn more and make a home for myself... Basically I'm the moral of the Wizard of Oz plot line in the making..."

2009-06-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Our palms were sweating
when we opened the office doors
Our shoes clicked proudly
across those polished floors
we stoodand waited
with resumes in hand

And her secretary said
in shades of monotone
and beige
I’m sorry, sir
we are currently
not accepting applications
for the boyfriend or girlfriend position
we’ve been subcontracting
we’re making no new additions

So she said
she would
keep our resumes on file

She said
we covered out tongues in papercuts
sending out mailings
and dyed our fingers black
with the newsprint of the classifieds
we broke our hearts waiting
for the perfect worker to arrive

But the temp agency
is full of boys who are too young
with resumes written in lies
we catch em all tryin to steal the office supplies
we gave up on looking

But she took our resumes
and said
she could keep them on file

I tell you now
the offices looked lovely and clean
no dirt or dust
the waiting room stocked
with unread magazines

We could see ourselves
working late
burning the midnight oil
and skipping lunchbreaks
but despite our suits
We didn’t get the job

She said
she’ll keep our resumes
and transfer them over
to the friends department

Dear Topher,

2009-06-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

I'm scared as all bejesus to move.

I will though.

Really.

I'll kick my self into gear like an old motorcycle and go, if you think I should.

Because I would love to see LA.

And you.

And your friends, who are most probably amazing.

I'll totally come visit.

Now.

Find me a job and an apartment.

The "moving places" equivalent to a roofie.

2009-06-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

The feeling of sitting at a red light when someone really unnerving is in the car beside you, staring a hole into your passenger window.

Right after you've reached the bottom of the pool, shooting through the water but not quite reaching the surface.

Sitting back down and jingling your keys after realizing you've read the clock incorrectly and you still have a minute or two before you can leave work.

The last negative thought of the day before pleasant half-dreams come to carry you off.

I'm a little restless at the moment.

2009-06-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

On my way to the family reunion...

...which means I'll be listening to Choctaw Bingo on repeat for the whole drive. (thanks to a fella named Quinn)

2009-06-03T13:16:00.001-07:00

"Everything you hated me for... Honey there was so much more
I just didn't get busted.
But I'm not looking for an easy way out
This whole life it's been about
Try and try and try
And try and try and try
To be simple again"
-Songs:Ohia

to break wind [Middle English farten]

2009-06-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

So I got home today from a long day at work, and hopped on to the family computer to look up some sweet, sweet google map directions....

and I'll give you a screen shot of what was on the desktop

Just in case that's too blurry for you to read, it would appear that someone in my family needed to consult the internet to find the English definition of the word "fart"

So in honor of that, I'm declaring today "Fart Tuesday" here is my all time most favorite internet fart reference:

Farting Preacher Two

Shared via AddThis

Music Making Monday

2009-06-01T21:09:00.001-07:00

If you play the ABC game with "adult movie titles," you can win with: "Woolly Women of Wisconsin" ... "Big Ol' Bodacious Boobies" can be a close runner up.

We worked on some old and new music tonight... I think we finally nailed "Monsters" which is a song that, for whatever reason, we always play differently and end up hating every single Monday or night out. Any tape that we record it on disappears... Any tabs get accidentally thrown away...

Well tomorrow is a brand new day and as the crazy homeless guy, wearing a feather in his cap told me today in Lebanon " There's a helicopter above that building, I call it a gumball machine."

Night!

2009-06-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

I love this girl
but i can't tell when she's having a good time
-The Hold Steady

2009-05-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

Drunk at Wednesday night karaoke, I made a promise/boast that I would sing (I think my direct quote was 'I will totally sing your freaking pants off... *slur slur slur*.... ") the song above if I could find it in the directory. It turns out that the guy running the show kept his songs organized by the "print out a list and stuff it haphazardly in a binder" so we wiled away many hours pouring over the confusing mass of text trying to win the song lottery. Unfortunately, my yawning out-paced my determination, so I never got to sing it... But, though a few days late, here's my "karaoke version" of Desperado.

-----

On my way to a 'tiki torch taco party' (which sounds like a really good name for a film you hide under your bed). Not sure what I'm in for but as it has been written in the prophesies, wheresoever be there a pool there shall you find me, mooching to get in said pool.

2009-05-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

To hell with poverty
we’ll get drunk on cheap wine

-Gang of Four

The Storm's a Brewing

2009-05-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

Look
Look out the window
before the branches creak
before the wind whistles
before the tapping starts
press your nose
on the glass the wind shook
and whatever it is out there
look
look
look

You say
at least I know how to hate
and that love ain't complete
you say
some people turn into devils
when they drink
and liars can seem so sweet
you say
that at least you always tell the truth
when you say
I don't love you, no, I don't love you

and at night
you pull the covers close
before you sleep

and you don't look

I say
that you can hurt the ones you love
and that push
comes just as fast as shove
there ain't no easy way
to say it
but in the house you build
you close all the doors
but the wind still blows
We ain't perfect
but mistakes arn't the whole
there are cracks above and below
and through them
the wind still blows

So
Look
Look out the window
before the branches creak
before the wind whistles
before the tapping starts
press your nose
on the glass the wind shook
and whatever it is out there
look
look
look

You won’t keep it all
When what’s brewing
Comes around
No
Sometimes
You won’t keep a thing
When all the walls
Come down

A Few Words about Social Networking

2009-05-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the first time a TV show you really cared about let you down? I totally remember. For me it was X-Files. My dad got me hooked on the show. He was watching for the Sci-fi story lines and assorted freak show moments, chortling in delight when a really, really nerdy nugget of plotline would reveal itself... I was watching for Mulder. I had a Mulder action figure, I had a Mulder shirt, I even had a song picked out that me and Mulder would drive around California to when we eventually met up (for your reference it was Sarah McLachlan's "Building a Mystery"). We had a pretty good relationship there for a while... But then the writers of the X Files decided to permanently break us up... First by making Mulder's character go from comfortingly quirky to alarmingly insane.... and then by ending the show; a death blow to our affair.

What I was feeling at that time is a result of a thing called "parasocial behavior." In parasocial behavior, a person forms an intimate bond with someone: a tv persona, celebrity, character or sporting figure for example, in which the bond is totally one sided. What happens when we become attached to these characters is that our brains form a bond with them... A bond similar to what we would form with a person who lets us freely witness the darkness and light in their lives. TV shows, reality shows, and websites often use this human tendency to grow a sometimes rabid fan base (if you've ever, ever seen an anime convention or twilight book group you know exactly what I'm talking about).

Although harnessing the power of parasocial behavior makes for a more powerful viewing experience, studies are beginning to show that there is a negative side effect. Namely, that these one sided relationships begin to dominate our social interaction time and energy. Let's face it, I don't care what your best friend has to say, there is no way in hell it's going to be as interesting as what's going on RIGHT NOW on any CSI show (and I guarantee you can find on TV right now, go ahead and check). There is just no competing with dead hookers. When our friends accomplish something major, they don't celebrate by singing with KISS and putting on Man-Eye-Makeup (if you get the reference, shame on you).

The only difference between our friends and our 'parasocial' friends is that when we turn the TV off, our brains get shocked. The major part of a healthy relationship with another person is that in encourages sharing and creation. We are able to give of ourselves with our stories and feelings, and create moments, memories, catch phrases, beer-a-myds, you name it we can create it with friends, partners and family. When we turn the television off at 2 am, we are suddenly completely alone and everything that our brain has been devoting its energy to becomes nothing more than a mirage that we have no ability to physically alter. The lives of our parasocial friends churn on or end abruptly with literally no interference from us (unless we write fan fiction... which is kind of like Alice in Chains still playing the same songs with a new singer).

I'm interested in all of this, and bringing it up to you now because I have a theory. I haven’t seen any scientific studies out there to confirm it (they may be out there, I hate research) but I believe it whole heartedly... Interaction on social networking websites like myspace and facebook is sliding down the path of heartless parasocial interaction.

I have a friend who uses facebook to keep in contact with people he's met on his travels. As he explained to me:

"I can guarantee you that 300+ of my 700 "friends" are people that I have spent a total of less than 24 hours with. But it doesn't mean that I should have to email these 300 people quarter-annually just to have the right to later give them a call if I was in their part of the world"

This makes sense to me, and I think that's how we all started off with facebook. We wanted an easy way to make plans, stay in touch with people without having to write them a novel every time we just wanted to say howdy, and secretly, we wanted to stalk our exs just a little bit.

If that was what we all used these sites for, I wouldn't say we exhibit parasocial behavior.... Unfortunately, I've found that after five years of using the site and accumulating friends much like pokemon that I spend the vast amount of my time filtering through updates of relative stranger's lives. "Oh my God... That guy I met three years ago has a baby! Look! Look at it!"

The sad truth is that the term "facebook stalking" is just another way of saying "forming opinions about and feelings for people based only on textual interactions that largely do not involve us" and also "lurking like a bridge troll through your pictures and comments." And it's a very, very real phenomenon ya'll.

So recently I removed most of the content from my facebook account and left only instructions as to how to contact me by phone, email, and mail. I can honestly say that I love everyone I've kept as a facebook friend (that means you, if I didn't, I'da deleted your ass)... but I want everyone I know to know me from our shared creation of memories, conversations and adventures. It's not fair for you to only know me now from the snippits of hollering that I send to other people and the fact that I got "Funny Walks" as a result from my "Which Monty Python Sketch Are You" quiz....

It can be argued that we never really get to know one another. We are each our own islands... but when the great guy in the sky finally decides not to renew my season and my show gets cancelled I want to be able to say that I created something out of my life with as much energy and passion that I had to give... And that for the people I loved, I was with them 100% when we were together and let them live 100% of their lives wherever they were, even if it wasn't with me.

Life is too damn short to live as parasocial beings, my friends. So think of me fondly (if that's how you remember me) and feel free to contact me for any and all reasons!

2008-11-03T21:59:00.000-08:00

A Response to a Question:

The world seems like it can almost be hilariously strange at all times, I guess it just depends on where, how, and how hard you look at it.I guess I wonder about a lot of things, but I still think I could stand to do it more. I wonder why, if you convince yourself that you're madly in love with a total stranger (this is something I do when I'm stopped at redlights), suddenly everything they do is fascinating and makes you happy. Suddenly someone putting on lipstick, or adjusting a seatbelt is endearing. Even if that person totally zones out and misses the change to green light, if you're in love with them for that split second, it can make you laugh instead of curse. I also wonder why that all encompassing forgiveness doesn't last when you actually do fall in love. I tend to write about things I wonder about. I'm trying, now, to write about things I wonder about in other people's voices. I'm also trying not to take it too seriously and become really dreadful...